Okay, so this post assumes you have a desire to grow and develop. Please tell me you do. Maybe you don’t have a plan yet, but you at least have the desire. I break down my development into three areas: spiritual, personal, and leadership. There’s no finish line in these areas. I want to be growing in each area at all times, although from time to time I do lean heavily into one area.
I’ve had some cool conversations recently about development. The conversations have revolved around my development, my team’s development, and overall staff development…things every church and leader should be talking about. During all of these discussions, I kept thinking of two key questions:
Q1: Who is responsible for my development?
I am. No need to beat around the bush on this question. You are responsible for your development. If you are not growing, it is your fault. Regardless of whether or not your boss or your church is pouring into your development, you must take responsibility for your own development. If you don’t take responsibility, you won’t see it through to the end. If you rely on others to develop you, you will eventually lose interest. You may even develop some unhealthy habits. You’re the only person who can truly determine where you want to go, so you must take responsibility for getting there.
Q2: Who should be involved in my development?
You should not be the only person interested in your development. Ideally, your boss and your church should take your development seriously. Hopefully they have a plan to help you grow as a person and a leader. If you are a part of a team or organization that wants to develop you, celebrate that! Take full advantage of what they offer. If you are not surrounded by people who want to help you grow, begin trying to develop the people who work for you or your volunteers. Pour into them. Maybe your plan and their growth will spark those above you. And look for outside influences. Find people further down the road than you are, and ask them to help you develop in the areas you need the most growth.
“I’ve been unfaithful to my wife. I developed a relationship with what started as a dear, dear friend from Argentina. It began very innocently as I suspect many of these things do, in just a casual e-mail back and forth in advice on one’s life there and advice here. But here recently, over this last year, it developed into something much more than that.” (from GreenvilleOnline.com)
These are the words of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford earlier today at a news conference admitting to adultery with a woman in Argentina.
Please don’t read this post as jumping on the bandwagon of beating a man and/or his family while they are down. As I read this quote, I was reminded of a post earlier this month about emotional adultery.
Emotional adultery is frightening because it starts so subtly. What starts off as a harmless, casual conversation or look or question or text can lead to a slippery slope. Before you realize it, you’re spending more time with the person, thinking more about the person, pulling away from other relationships.
My team at Browns Bridge talked during our June meeting about the significance of our thoughts. I don’t think we can overstate the significance of being aware of our thoughts. Throughout the Bible, it’s pretty clear that God wants us to think about the right things. Our thoughts are simply what has our attention. When it comes to relationships and adultery, we typically and wrongly blame our heart and emotions. It starts with our thoughts.
Our thoughts lead to our emotions which lead to our actions.
I’m on vacation sitting in the same condo we’ve vacationed in every year except one of our 14 years of marriage. I love vacation. Non-stop family time. As little thinking as possible. Getting away. It’s interesting to me how people vacation. However you do vacation, I find that people feel strongly about the way they do vacation. I already know some of you can’t believe I’m posting while on vacation. To you, that is a vacation violation.
How do you do vacation? Beach. Mountains. No work. Some work. Reading books. Watching movies. Playing games. Sleeping in. Early walks. Alone time. Family time. Eating out. Cooking together.
Vacation looks different for all of us. That’s cool. However you do it, do it. Rest. Play. Get away.
My getting away usually involves getting away from work. Mentally and physically getting away from work benefits every part of me. It benefits my marriage, my parenting, my mental health, and even my work. But I’ve learned just getting away for one week every year is no where close to being enough. I have to intentionally get away as often as possible…daily if possible.
Those of you who know me well may be rolling your eyes. I don’t always follow my own advice when it comes to getting away. I love my work, and I love to be working. But I also love my family and know I need to protect them and me from my love of work. So, I have to be intentional about getting away. I give my team permission to remind me it’s time to leave the office and to ask me when I’m taking time off. I need the accountability. We put our kids to bed early so my wife and I can hang out almost every night. And my wife and I do Boot Camp together twice a week…there’s no way to work when you’re close to humiliation or death two times per week.
But this week I’m at the beach. So, time to go read some books, then a swim with the family, and maybe a trip to get some Hot and Nows at Krispy Kreme after dinner.
I used to feel this self-imposed pressure to be an expert on everything. And, if I’m honest…which is usually a good idea, the older I get the more I realize I am an expert on nothing. Sure, there are things I am passionate about and love to learn about, but knowledgeable and expert aren’t the same thing.
But there will always be people we consider “experts”. It’s because of the job they have. Or where they work. Or the time they’ve spent doing something. They’re as close to experts as we’re going to get.
Later this summer we’re bringing our Guest Services volunteers (Parking Teams, Host Teams, and Information Area Teams) together. We want to accomplish two things…
First, we want to cast a new vision for Guest Services. We’re creating a new culture. We’re taking them to a better place. Who are the “experts” to do this? Our staff. Especially Kelly, our Director of Guest Services. She and some of our other staff involved in Guest Services will lead out in this part of our time together. The staff should be the perceived (and actual) experts when it comes to vision.
Second, we want to train them in specific areas of their responsibilities. Some of the training will be reminders of how to do some things. And some of the training will be new systems and new ways to do things when it comes to their Sunday morning responsibilities. Who are the “experts” to do this? Our volunteers. They are the ones who do the task on Sunday mornings. They are the ones who know the role better than anyone else.
Use the right “experts” when you’re leading. Don’t be afraid to admit it may not be you.
I read a spiritual development book each morning. No big reason. It’s just the best time for me to read this type of book. I’m close to finishing my latest “morning book” called Grace Walk by Steve McVey. The bottom line of the book is that Christianity is not about rules and behavior, it is about allowing Jesus to live through you. As I’m closing in on the end of the book, some sentences jumped out at me as they relate to spiritual development…and to leadership…
There is no such thing as Christianity turned inward. Empty religion seeks to preserve itself and focuses on gathering. New Testament Christianity purposes to pour itself out in ministry to others. The ultimate benefit in allowing Christ to express His life through us is not what happens in us personally. Religion makes performance its priority. Grace chooses people as its priority.
Several years ago, I went through a paradigm shift in my view of who my relationship with Jesus is for. For years, I’d seen my Christianity as being for me. All the classes and books and sermons I exposed myself to were all about my growth and my development for my sake. I’ve changed. My spiritual growth and development are now for the people around me. Sure, I benefit from it. But it’s not for me.
The same should be said about our leadership. Leadership is not about you. It is not about performance. It is about people. Leadership is about others. It is about taking people to a better place. I know at first glance you probably read this as old news. You’re already leading for this exact reason. Or are you?
